i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
