So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
