I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
