you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
