She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
