It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
