Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize