help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
