just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
