Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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