Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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