UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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