I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
