i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
