I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
