When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
