we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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