p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
