You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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