none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
