My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
