Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
