Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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