the new term for farting is butt boxing.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
