college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
