i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
