In the future we'll all be gay
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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