is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
