Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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