You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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