Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
