dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
