Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
