Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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