she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
