watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
