having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
