i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize