if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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