How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
