I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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