I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
