dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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