margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
