But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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