someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Me too!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
