i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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