pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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