OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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