no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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