i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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