omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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