Can i not drive my cunt home
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
