My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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