We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
