Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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