Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
