You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
