oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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