If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
