Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
