what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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