Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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