i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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