Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
