it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
